


La La Lost You

by hikariakaashi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 07:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30102306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikariakaashi/pseuds/hikariakaashi
Summary: a single letter takes you back into the past. memories running through your mind as you searched for the closure he never gave you. inspired by the song la la lost you by niki.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Reader
Kudos: 10





	La La Lost You

**Author's Note:**

> hiii ok my name is aria and so this is my first piece on ao3!! the original piece is on my tumblr under the same user along with a lot of other works of mine but i wanted to try posting on ao3 for a change! i hope you enjoy lovelies <33

you stared down at the pen and the blank paper in front of you. “write a letter,” your friends dramatically told you. “write it and then burn it. he never gets to see it and you get your feelings out. it’s a win win!” they claimed it would help you get rid of him. that it would help you finally get out of this lovesick slump and move on. maybe they’re right, maybe they’re wrong, but you had too many unanswered questions that you hoped this letter would help you solve. maybe you’ll stop seeing him in the world around you, maybe you’ll stop staring at his contact name as you debated calling him.

maybe you’ll get the closure you always searched for with him.

so you picked up the pen, hoping that maybe this would help you answer those open-ended questions.

 _hi kei,_ you laughed at the greeting, remembering those times where you were too scared to even call him by his first name. it wasn’t until he explicitly told you to call him kei that you did, and even then you still called him tsukki, to which he frowned.

“only you get the privilege of using my first name,” tsukishima always said. “so make sure to take advantage of it.”

 _how are you? i hope you’re doing well._ it was a question you could answer for yourself. you knew he was doing well. in fact, he was doing amazing. it seemed as if tokyo was treating him better than you ever would. sometimes you found yourself scrolling through his rarely updated instagram. pictures and memories with you were replaced with his new adventures in tokyo. you didn’t even know how you ended up there, maybe it was out of habit or just the pure need to check in on him, but you found yourself back on his page, fully aware that it looks just how you left it.

 _i would’ve called you sooner. honestly, i would’ve but i just couldn’t imagine your response to my name on your phone._ it was the messiest break up you’ve ever gone through. from heated arguments to miscommunication, there was so much wrong, especially when he told you he was leaving. lots of words went unsaid, including the ones “i love you.”

 _do you remember that one time after your volleyball game? we went out for dinner to celebrate your win and then we drove around until two am. i had a lot of fun with you that night, and i remember telling you after that i wanted to do it again. you told me you’d make it happen with a smile on your face._ it was one of your fondest memories of him, probably one of the happiest moments of your life. as tsukishima drove with you around the quiet streets, you got to know him better that night as your conversations flowed from topic to topic.

it was one of those once in a blue moon moments, i hope i never forget it. the two of you weren’t even aware of the time until the streets were completely deserted, your car the only thing traversing them. it was a night full of smiles and happiness. it was one full of endless teasing and joking as you both laughed, fully aware that no matter what you said, you both still adored each other.

it was the night where you knew you loved him.

 _now here we are, while i’m walking around our quiet town, you’re out taking trains. while i’m living through the quiet nights, you’re seeing the bustling city. it’s like a parallel universe even if you’re still close by._ you sighed after writing the line, dropping the pen. you stared at the few lines you wrote debating scrapping the letter completely. but you decided to keep going. after all, it wasn’t like he was going to see this anyway, and you had actually found yourself feeling more at ease as you wrote. this was actually kind of fun.

i _t’s everything you’ve ever wanted, and i’m so glad you were able to obtain it._ he had always talked about moving out to a bigger city, claiming it would give him more to life. he always talked about planning a life in the city, how he would go to university there and how he’d find a job in the big museum there. no matter what, he always found a way to bring you along and include you in it.

however, those plans never became reality.

 _i know i know, i’m saying all these nice things and still dodging the blatant point here. despite the happiness i have for you, i’m still sad you left. i mean with the way we left things it’d be hard not to._ you tried to be happy. but it was just so tough. he always dodged questions about visiting or coming home to see you. it even got to the point where you cornered him into answering, sick of playing his little games revolving around this topic.

“i’m sick and tired of you dodging this!” you said, following him. your voice wavering slightly as you reached for his hand, a last act of desperation. “so just answer me, please, are you gonna come back or not because i-”

"i don’t know! i don’t know ok?” you froze up at the rare harshness of his voice. “why can’t you even come with me? you know i wanted you to.”

“because, it’s so sudden! i’m going to a university here! i have a life that i want to live here! why can’t you understand that? i know you got into your big fancy school in tokyo but-”

“well, i didn’t think i’d actually get accepted there! goddamn it why can’t you just be happy for me?!”

“i am happy kei! do you seriously think i’m not? i’m trying so damn hard to be happy for you!” you exclaim, running your hands through your hair. you both hated fighting with each other, it was something the two of you tried to avoid.

“who was the first one to congratulate you? me! who was the person who helped you pick out things for your dorm room? me! who was the one willing to go to tokyo with you to see the campus! me? so don’t you fucking telling me that i’m not happy for you!”

but lately, that seemed harder than usual…

“then come with me! god is that so hard to ask for?”

especially as both of you were so stubborn with your decisions.

his words stung, every single one feeling like a shot to your heart. “why are you being so stubborn with this? i can’t just drop my entire life here for you! why can’t we just work out things here?”

“i know you! i know you can’t handle the distance, you’re so needy like that! always clinging to me like a damn lost puppy.”

“you’re seriously going to use that excuse with me?”

he hesitated for a split second. “it’s true isn’t it? i swear there isn’t a single day where you aren’t on my back, texting me, calling me. god, don’t you know that i need time for myself?”

“i am fully aware of that! i’m just trying to look out for you!”

“well, i don’t need you to! i don’t need you checking in on me! i don’t need you!”

you paused, his cold words sinking in. “ok fine!” you walked towards the front door of your house. your heart yelled at you to stop, to calm down, to reason with him properly. but you refused, your pride consuming your every thought as you swung the door open. “if you think i’m so fucking needy get out! if you don’t need me then i don’t need you, we’re done!” the words escaped your lips before you knew it. it didn’t hit you until you saw the shocked expression on his face, an expression that quickly changed to one full of frustration.

he walked out the door. “ok fine! if that’s how you’re really going to be then fine!”

you slammed the door the minute he finished his sentence. the house shook at your sudden aggression. you sighed, as you felt tears well in your eyes. but you turned away from the door, quickly wiping them. he didn’t need you, it was something that became so blatantly obvious at that moment.

 _i miss you. but that’s ok, i know you probably don’t miss me, and that’s ok. regardless, i hope you’re having the time of your life. maybe one day we’ll meet again soon. whether it’s in this life or the next, i have a feeling i’ll run into you again._ you wanted to say so much more to him. despite the brutal exchange of cold words, so much went unsaid, but the idea of you reaching out just seemed so out of reach.

 _well no matter what, you always have me here in miyagi._ you stared at what you wrote, as the thought of actually sending it crossed your mind. maybe if he read it, he’d come back, maybe he’d reconsider his move and come back to you. maybe those unspoken words and missing closure will finally be said.

but no, he wouldn’t do that. honestly, it’d be so out of character for him to double back on big decisions like this.

you knew that better than anyone.

 _i hope tokyo holds you just like i once did._ you stared blankly at the line, debating on if you should keep it. you sighed, it didn’t even matter anyway. it’s not like he was going to read it.

 _take care - y/n_ you set the pen down, eyes glossing over the words you’d penned out especially for him, searching for the answers you were initially looking for.

nothing, absolutely nothing.

in fact, this made you miss him more.

you groaned, bringing your head to your desk, sighing. he wasn’t coming back, it would be pointless for you to actually reach out anyways. it wasn’t as if he’d come running back here with a suitcase in hand.

a faint knock comes from your door. you bring your head up and pad over to it. a second knock comes before you reach the door “i’m coming! i’m coming!” you call out, slightly picking up the pace to answer. you turn the doorknob, “sorry to keep you waiting i-”

you look towards the person at the door as your hand leaves the doorknob and drops to your side, staring at them in shock.

“what are you doing here?”


End file.
